life, the universe, and donna

I admit: a good half the reason I chose VanCity when Royal started pissing me off was this commercial. Way to give back, babe.

Dog: Wow, these new treats are great! Thanks for getting them for me! Me: Uh… what treats? I haven’t given you any treats. Dog: The ones I found in the closet! They’re so deliciously crunchy on the outside, and chewy on the inside! They’re fantastic! Me: The closet? You mean… the closet with the litterbox [...]

Dog: May I come out of the bathroom? Cat: No. Dog: Please? I won’t bother you. I’ll just go back to my room. Cat: No. Dog: Um, ok. I’m just going to try to slip by you here… Cat: *hiss* *swipe* *claw* Dog: Ok, ok! I’m staying in the bathroom. That’s okay. I’m just going [...]

Dog: I LOVE THE CAT! Cat: What is this beast you have brought into my domicile? What have you allowed to cross my threshold? Dog: LET’S BE FRIENDS FOREVER! Cat: *hiss* *swipe* *claw* Dog: So… that’s a no?

Cat: Open this bag of food for me. Me: No, you’ve got a bowl of food, and a half full bag of the other stuff. Cat: This stuff is better. Me: How do you know? You’ve never even tried it. Cat: I can tell. It is not The Other Stuff, and is therefore better. Me: [...]

Me: Fine, you may sit in my lap, if you’ll only stop annoying me. Cat: Good. This is where I belong. Me: Just sit there and be quiet and don’t bug me. Cat: *kneads claws into sweater* Me: You’ve … you’ve just ruined my sweater. Cat: I didn’t like it anyway. Me: *punt*

The scene: I’m in my bedroom, napping in the afternoon. I’ve left my door open a crack. Cat: *sticks cold & wet nose into face* Me: *wakes up* GAH! *splutter* Cat: Love me. Me: Your nose is cold and wet! Cat: The better to wake you up with. Me: Oh ick, I have cat snot [...]

The Scene: Lying on the couch, and I’ve actually encouraged one of the cats to come sit with me. Hey, he’s warm. After a few minutes of quiet kitty cuddling… Second Cat: *slap* First Cat: *runs away* Me: Hey! Jerk. Second Cat: You should not be paying attention to him. I am in the room. [...]

Me: What the HELL are you doing? It’s five in the freaking morning! Cat: I am opening this bag of food. Me: WHY? You’ve got a dish full of food. And another bag of food that’s still half full. Cat: I want this food. Me: You can’t open the bag. You don’t have opposable thumbs. [...]

Me: You make a better door than a window. Cat: Yes, thank you. Me: That wasn’t a compliment. Cat: Yes it was. Me: All right, let’s try this: Get out of the way, I’m trying to see the TV. Cat: You would rather look at me. Me: No, I don’t think so. Cat: I am [...]