I did the math (har har) earlier, and realized it’s been a full 14 years since I took a math class — all the way back to the first semester of grade 11, when I was a wee nugget of just barely 16 yrs old. I couldn’t even drive yet, that’s how long ago this was. And other than the occasional day to day math required (If a train leaves Denver at 3pm… no, I mean real math, like how much change I’m due from a $20) I really haven’t done any since then. Especially not without a calculator.

So yeah, I was nervous.

I opened the envelope, and at least discovered the score I was aiming for: 80%. Jesus, if I’d known it was that high, I’d have been even more nervous. On a 25 question math test, that meant I had to get at least 20 right. (See? Look, I CAN do math!)

I am totally proud of myself: 88%, or 22/25. I am so happy!

Now tell me I never, ever have to take a math test again, please?

One test down, and one to go (tomorrow night, no less) and I have all of my pre requisites for nursing. Hell. Yes.

I wrote my Health Sciences math assessment tonight. Surprisingly, I think it actually went well. I continue to suck at fractions, but I should at least pass. Although I’m not exactly sure what score I needed to get to pass. Nobody has actually said that yet. Just that I have to write the assessment. Ok, great! I wrote it! If I get every question wrong, I still get in, right?

I get my results next week. Here’s hoping I did slightly better than “every question wrong”. I am at least confident that all of my answers appeared on the list of multiple choice options.

I did have a moment of panic. We had an hour to do the test. No problem, 25 questions in an hour should be a breeze. Until I’m sitting on question 7, pretty sure I have the answer, but quadruple checking because I have a habit of making Stupid Math Errors like multiplying 8 and 7 and getting 93… and the assessor comes back in the room and says, “half hour left.”

WHAT? DAMNIT. I sped up a little at that point. Luckily, it was only the fraction questions that gave me trouble: I still remember how to do basic “solve for X” algebra. And long division. Yay me. (No calculators. Jebus. I haven’t had a “no calculator” test since I was 12…)

So. Here’s hoping. Apparently if I fail (whatever “fail” means) I can’t take it for another 4 months, which will severely curtail my whole “apply for nursing school as soon as I get my biology grade” plan.

I was super tired for the first half of the class. No idea why, but had a hard time staying awake. Grabbed a drink at the break which perked me up a bit, thank god. I’ve got a mid-term next week, I can’t afford to nap through class.

That said, I did learn something super awesome cool that I knew bits & pieces of, but it’s neat to put it all together. The trailmix/granola moms out there probably know this shit already, but I’m just catching up.

So, oxytocin. It’s basically a hormone from the … er, anterior pituitary gland? (maybe posterior, that’s part of what I need to study) triggered by a few things. One of which is nipple stimulation. So, stimulate the nipples, and oxytocin causes milk to let down. Funky-doo, but it doesn’t end there: It also causes uterine contractions. Like during labour. Convenient for that whole pushing-out-the-baby thing. Afterward, it’s also good for helping to shrink your uterus back to normal size. So there you go, selfish moms who don’t want to breastfeed for their babies health: It’ll help you get back into your pre-pregnancy jeans faster, and who doesn’t love that?

Interesting side note: Midwives have known for a long time that in a twin birth where the second one isn’t coming right away, getting the first one to nurse will stimulate your uterus into pushing the next one out. How’s THAT for cool?

Ok, I find this sort of thing bloody fascinating. I still don’t want to be an endocrinology expert by any stretch of the imagination, but at least it’s cool stuff to learn.

In other news: If I didn’t have a super high metabolism, I’d think I had thyroid problem. As if being a google diagnostician wasn’t bad enough, now I’m a first year biology diagnostian…

My prof likes to give examples of diseases that affect the various systems we’re learning about. Last night was the nervous system, and so we got a brief outline of Multiple Sclerosis (check!) and I realized I was MUCH more interested in what myelin did when I thought about it not being there, and how it could get fucked up, and what happens when it IS fucked up.

Anyway. So I think it’s pretty cool. And now I want to read more about diseases that affect the things that are hard. I might learn better. Hmm. Need some disease that requires knowing all the different major muscle groups.

I get to find out tomorrow night exactly what I got wrong. We’ll see if my superstition about changing answers should still stand or not. I have the sinking suspicion it should. Stupid changing answers. Stupid kittens.

I definitely should have studied tissue more, but I think I rocked basic anatomy and surprisingly, cellular structure. Out of 50 questions, there were 5 or 6 that were stabs in the dark, but they were at least educated guesses, generally narrowing it down to two or three options tops. Best of all, even though it was Scantron (shades of eighth grade…) we labelled the booklets with our names as well, and I marked off what I answered for each one in the book, as well as some notes on my thought process (with a big ? on each of the ones where I was guessing. heh.)

I changed one answer at the end. I’m pretty sure that every time I change an answer, god kills a kitten, but I thought I’d try my luck and see if that old superstition still holds. After all, it’s been a good 15 years since I had to do a scantron test. Maybe the kittens have forgiven me.

And now, I refuse to think about the test at all until Tuesday. In the meantime, I’m going to think about bone. Did you know that the centre of your long bones (ie, femur, etc) switch from making red blood cells to storing fat when you pass puberty? And that if your puberty hits later, you’re more likely to be tall? This explains my diminutive height, btw. I’ve been wearing the same bra size since I was 11.

Overheard at home: “So… hit puberty early, did you?” “I’m not sure if shorty over there should be saying anything!” “Hey, I just admitted I’ve been wearing the same bra size since I was 11.”

Anyway, so Jenn was nice enough to help quiz me on body systems…

Marmot Phil says: here, let me quiz you – when Liam bites me, what system in his body is responsible for giving me blood poisoning?
donnamatrix says: Hmm. Lymphatic, maybe? Lymphatic is mostly immune-related.
Marmot Phil says: interesting. and what system of mine stops working when he gnaws through my chest and rips out my liver?
donnamatrix says: Digestive & cardiac.
Marmot Phil says: awesome! and if I die of blood loss before that, what system is responsible?
donnamatrix says: liver = digestive. But when you bleed out, that’s cardiac. See? I already included that.
Marmot Phil says: if I grab him by the throat and throttle him in a vain attempt to stop the slaughter, what system of his is impacted?
donnamatrix says: nervous. You’ll probably break his spine.
donnamatrix says: or rattle his brain
Marmot Phil says: I’d grab very gently
donnamatrix says: either way, is both nervous system
Marmot Phil says: huh, even brain?
donnamatrix says: is.
Marmot Phil says: my attempt to stop liam reveals he has no brain whatsoever, yet he keeps attacking. what system is responsible for this?
donnamatrix says: reproductive.
donnamatrix says: because he’s obviously a dick.

I feel better prepared already.

Every time I go back to school, I feel a little older. This makes sense, since I keep aging, and the average age of students remains the same. The bouncy blonde ponytail in front of me is making me feel positively ancient.

So I managed to find my class without any trouble. Transit to BCIT isn’t as good as UBC or SFU, but it was reasonable enough to pop onto the skytrain from work, and then get a single bus down to the Burnaby campus. Getting home will be a little more interesting when I have to either backtrack considerably or walk for half an hour… at 11pm. I’m going to be one tired girl on Friday mornings for the next 12weeks, methinks.

This morning, I looked up the BCIT interactive map and became terribly, terribly scared. Sweet jesus, this campus is huge. (And yeah, I know, compared to a big school, it’s not really, but still. Last time I went to BCIT, it was at the downtown campus. One building. Easy peasy.) There are 40-odd building, separated up into 4 quadrants… and no nice little easy to navigate streets or blocks, there are nooks and crannies and little hidden buildings all over the place. Luckily, this building wasn’t terribly difficult to find. I did, however, completely forget to write down my classroom number. Luckily, there are only two lecture halls in this building. Mine was, of course, the second one.

I got here with plenty of time, so I had time to wander about the campus a little, get oriented, etc. I’ve discovered something terrible: This is a pepsi campus.

Let me repeat this for the slow people: THIS IS A PEPSI CAMPUS.

I admit to being a bit of a prima donna (well, I’m normally just a regular Donna, but in this case I’ll make an exception) about my choices of carbonated beverages. in fact, just this morning I was writing on Jen’s blog about how it was my mother’s preference for diet coke that created mine – this is what we had when I was growing up: Gobs and gobs of diet coke. I’m an addict, I know, but still. It’s what I like, and it’s to the point now where unfortunately Pepsi, diet pepsi, regular coke, and the ever dreaded Coke Zero taste like disgustingly thick syrup to me, and not in a good way.

This. Is. A. Pepsi. Campus.

How am I to survive? 12 weeks, even once a week, of PEPSI? Isn’t this against some sort of treaty? I am horrified.

Good news: I did discover a Tim Hortons, and figured out where it is in reference to my class. Bad news: they still don’t sell diet coke, but at least I can get a half assed cup of coffee.

Anyway, now that the important stuff is out of the way, The Class.

So I’m taking an introductory biology class. It’s meant to basically satisfy the biology 12 pre-req for health science classes, so it’s reasonably basic. It’s focused specifically on the body, so skips all those dull photosynthesis things that plants do.

So far, it’s pretty interesting.

I’m happy to say that my medic background is helpful — yes, I know that my wrist is distal to my elbow, and I’m very familiar with what side of my body is posterior. I know which quadrant of my abdominal cavity contains my liver, and I don’t giggle (anymore) when referring to the cervical spine. (Hint: It’s not in the hoohaw.)

So half of todays class was pretty easy.

The second bit is a bit trickier. We’re back to basics, and I mean right back to the basics of what makes a body a body: Cells. Aaah. Microscopic anatomy! I vaguely remember learning about this stuff from high school, and I vaguely recall being absolutely stumped by it, and not even knowing what to ask about HOW I was absolutely stumped.

Well, on the upside, the 15-odd years since I last had to learn anything about microbiology has helped a little, and it’s making more sense to me now. The word “nucleus” doesn’t make me run in fear, and I think I have a pretty good idea of what a ribosome is, too. (Don’t ask me to define it just yet. Um. They make proteins inside a cell. There. Call it defined.

Ok, can we go back to the function of the liver now? Pretty please?

Alice Brown Elementary (first half of Kindergarten. Actually, I’m not sure if this was the school — give me a break, I was 4, what do I know? Anyway, it was an elementary school in Brookswood, I think this was it. Mom will correct me if I’m wrong.)

Harold Bishop Elementary (we moved halfway through kindergarten. I finished out the year here, in Guildford.)

Cloverdale Elementary (Grades 1-5. School is now a “traditional” school, by which I think they mean they don’t allow art or teh gay. Strangely enough, located in Cloverdale.)

Latimer Road Elementary (Grades 6-7. Also in Cloverdale. We moved around Cloverdale a fair amount.)

Cloverdale Junior High (Grade 8. The last year this school existed, it was then converted into a french immersion school, Martha Currie Elementary… coincidentally, this is where Carol Ann goes.)

Lord Tweedsmuir High (grade 9-12. While this is technically the same school both my parents went to, they went to the old Tweedsmuir. At the same time that CJS got converted to a french immersion, they tore down the old LTS and rebuilt a new one. It looks like a jail and overlooks the race track.)

Kwantlen University College (Richmond Campus. Started a comp sci program, discovered that programming makes me want to rip off your arm. Yes, yours.)

Camosun College (Victoria. Took a single accounting class, but dropped it when I got promoted at work and couldn’t get to class on time anymore.)

Kwantlen (again. This was just an online course.)

Emily Carr (photography course. It was fun. I learned to develop film!)

Langara (3-4 years of Random Classes That Look Interesting. Took a lot of Women’s Studies classes with some psych & sociology thrown in for flavor. Wound up with 30 credits, go me!)

BCIT (Technical Writing. It, too, was pretty awesome.)

Justice Institute (Emergency Medical Responder course.)

I might be forgetting some, but that’s what I got so far.

Anyway, why do I post this? Because as of September 17th, I’m adding one more:

BCIT (Basic Health Sciences, BHSC 0100 – Human Biology)

Why? Because this is the only pre-requisite I need to get into the Licensed Practical Nursing program at VCC. You may recall a few weeks ago, I wrote about how I can no longer proceed in my paramedic dream. Which is thoroughly disappointing, but I’m not calling any of that wasted: It really, really made me understand how much I love health care. Emergency health care specifically, but there are ways to make that work. So, I spoke with the adviser at VCC a few days ago, and here’s what we came up with:

I am one pre-requisite shy of being eligible for the VCC LPN program — that being an equivalent to Biology 12, taken in the last 5 years. Well, not only did I graduate high school considerably more than 5 years ago, but I never took biology anyway. Chemistry, yes. Physics, yes. Computer Science, yes. But Biology? No, I was a stupid kid and played the part prescribed to me as an unpopular, awkward girl desperately trying to fit in: in that, “eww, gross things are gross.” Fuck that noise. Gross things are awesome.

But that’s fine, my lack of biology classes in high school don’t matter. And conveniently, from my EMR class, I have a decent amount of basic human biology understanding now. Still, need the pre-req, so this is it. I have two options: I could, through the Vancouver School Board, take biology 12. My adviser thinks that I could probably get them to waive the biology 11 requirement, as I’ve not only been out of high school for 12 years, but I have post secondary education and some healthcare training already. Unfortunately, from my research, the scheduling doesn’t really work for me. Pity, since that’d be free. But that’s fine, I think the BCIT class will be awesome, especially since it’s got a healthcare focus.

Anyway, so the LPN program has a two year waitlist that is probably only a one year waitlist. The “official” waitlist has to include everybody who’s applied for the program, but since many of the people offered a seat will decline it, they estimate it’s only about a year. This works for me. And in the meantime, I will work on getting the rest of the pre-requisites for the Bachelor of Science in Nursing program (may be more familiar if I refer to it as an RN). That is, currently, my end goal. Of course, knowing me, this will probably change, but I need something to work toward even if I modify it later.

So, there we go. I take the BCIT biology class, apply for the LPN program. Then I work on getting the BSN prerequisites and apply there. There’s no waitlist for the BSN program. Whichever accepts me first, I take. If it’s the LPN program, it’s a one year certificate program, and then after 900 hours of work, I’m eligible for the LPN-to-BSN program, which gets me into the third year of the BSN program. If it’s the BSN program, I take 3-4 years, and get my BSN.

Where does the emergency come into this? Well, the BSN has a few electives, and several of them are ER related. Plus there’s post-degree education that I can use to specialize further. At the moment, that’s the way I want to aim my education. If I can’t work in a pre-hospital setting, I’d like to work in a first-contact hospital setting. I think that’d be awesome.

Bonus: A very dear friend of mine has been working on her pre-reqs for the same LPN program for ages, and coincidentally we should both be ready to apply at the same time. It would be AWESOME to have someone I know & love in class with me. Built in study partner!

In any event… I’m extremely excited. No matter how this turns out, I have career goals again, and this makes me very, very happy. I drift a bit when I’m not sure where I’m going, and not 100% happy where I am. I managed to get my personal life sorted out to the point where I’m so happy I could pee a little, now to get my professional life on the same track.

Now, if I could get my finances to where I’m happy with them… I’d be 3/3, but what the hell, let’s dump a few years of student loans on them instead, eh?

I should also mention a huge thank you to my current employer who is extremely understanding of my career aspirations, considering they tend to involve things like “I’ll eventually be quitting… but please continue paying me in the meantime. No, I don’t know exactly when I’ll be quitting. Yes, my estimated length of continued employment keeps changing.” I really, really like my place of employment, and the people I work with are absolutely fantastic. I might not be super crazy about the work I’m doing anymore, but that has NOTHING to do with the people — the people make it absolutely worthwhile.