It seems that at one point, a couple of the bouncers were standing outside at the front, as they are wont to do. And a bachelor party wanders by, the impending groom dressed as Batman. Interesting, and amusing as they weren’t headed for Sin. But just as Batman and co walk by…

…an unrelated Robin walks out of the club. They hugged, and like two ships passing in the night, went their seperate ways.

I laughed. What are the odds?

But it does amuse me. I have a ruffly butt!

So, this weekend was Mayhem!, a weekend conference/play party/etc for leatherwomen. I like volunteering for things like this… so I did.

I had two shifts, the first one was pretty uneventful, I helped out with the vendor setup before the conference started … although I will plug some of the vendors because they look awesome and I wish I wasn’t being more fiscally responsible (read: already blew too much on rubber last week) so I could have bought stuff.

Dayton was there with SMOKING good deals on boots — like, usually $400 boots for $160. And hot damn, did they ever look nice.

Nathan from The Kiss Store now has more of my beloved black latex gloves in stock. Since the Marmot is no longer in business, and the source of awesome black rubber gloves had dried up anyway, I’ve been hoarding the last two boxes I bought. Now I don’t have to, because I can get more, more, more! Yay, black latex gloves!

I love, love, love the slings from Bad Bear Worx. They look wonderfully comfortable, and I can’t help but muse that having a cement ceiling means it would be super-easy to sink a couple of tie points into the ceiling… Hmm.

On Saturday night, I grabbed the marmot and the marmot’s girlfriend and we headed to the tastings. Awesome concept — interested in trying something new? Here, try it with these folk who know what they’re doing. I won’t mention what I tried, but it was fun, and I’ll definitely be doing it again. Also, it still hurts a little. Ow. Cool.

I am also rather amused to find that there’s still some things in kink that make me go “oh my god, ew! are you kidding me? people do that for FUN?” I was under the impression that even if I haven’t tried “everything” I had at least been exposed to just about everything. Nope! This one was new: Labia saline injections. The concept seems safe enough (the body will just absorb the saline pretty quickly, but leaves things … er, rather painful for a while afterward) but holy shit, NO FREAKING WAY is anything like that going near my hoohaw.

Your kink ain’t my kink but your kink’s okay… over there.

I lie, actually — I was totally fascinated to the point of wanting to apologize to the poor girl getting salined up for staring at her hoohaw for a good ten minutes straight, but seriously! THINGS ARE BEING INJECTED IN THERE, how could I NOT stare? Crazy. I am so not doing that. Hell, I won’t even get pierced down there…

After the tastings was the play party. I actually ducked out for an hour or so, gave Nick a ride to Sin City, then went back for my shift at 11:30. I was originally signed up for safety/first aid, but things got reworked a little and I ended up as a dungeon monitor.

So, I have what, $1500 worth of emergency first aid education, right? More, if you count previous first aid courses I’ve taken. The total sum of my “first aid” duties carried out: I got someone a bandaid.

*cracks knuckles* Yep, it’s a good thing I was there… who knows what would have happened otherwise?

I’m starting to understand the “I don’t want you to get hurt… I just want to be there when you do” motto. And hell, lots of people WERE getting hurt, it’s just that this was the POINT of the evening. On the upside, I’m a voyeur, and being a DM gave me a great excuse to wander around and pay very close attention to the seriously fun shit people were getting up to. Yeehaw.

Afterward, I decided that I am still young and vibrant and headed off to Sin City. Hey, I looked hot, I couldn’t let that outfit go to waste. (Knee length skirt, new black boots, underbust pvc corset, pvc bra, and unbuttoned black & white blouse. It’s like naughty-librarian with a twist.) Apparently others agreed — I had 4 different strangers come up and hit on me. Of course, I was so NOT in the mood to be hit on, and for the first time possibly ever, used the “Sorry, I have a boyfriend” line to get rid of someone. (Said boyfriend was off fooling around with other pretty girls, so maybe it wasn’t a very legit excuse, but still.) More amusing, it was someone who thought I was a newbie. “First time here?” “Uh… no… I’ve been coming semi-regularly for about 6 years.” I guess I’m not very memorable. hee.

By the time I got home, I remembered that I am not as young & vibrant as I had earlier suspected and 3am is much later than I remembered, as I was completely exhausted and my feet were killing me. (My new boots are super comfy, but walking around for 7 hours with ANY heel is going to hurt.) Luckily, have excellent boyfriend who gives excellent foot massages and a dog who let me sleep in a little the next morning. Good dog. Not-so-good dog when I decided to go back and nap a few hours later and she decided that was a good time to bark at things that ONLY THE DOG CAN HEAR every 30 seconds. I swear, there had to have been someone standing outside my apartment with a dog whistle… gah.

In other news, I need another craft day soon. Maybe Sunday. Will anybody show up? Hmm.

# Is there anyone on your friends list you would ever consider having sex with?
I think this is livejournal or facebook-aimed, as … uh, this is a blog. What friends list? But, is there anyone on my lj friends list or facebook friends list I would consider having sex with? Of course! Like, say, my boyfriend… if we’re being politically correct. Some seriously hot friends of mine as well, if we’re not. (We’re not, right?)

# Sex in the morning, afternoon, or night?
Middle of the night. Preferably while I’m mostly asleep and don’t really know what’s going on — you can get some serious mindfucks from that. Otherwise, any time.

# What side of the bed do you sleep on?
This sounds familiar…

# Do you masturbate?
hahahaha. hahah. haha! um. Yes.

# How often?
A lot. Daily, at least. I often use it as a sleeping aid.

# Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
Yep. Also for boots! I like boots.

# Do you prefer showers or baths?
Baths, but as they’re generally impractical, I don’t have nearly enough of them.

# Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Yes, albeit slightly awkwardly. It’s rarely my favorite place, but can be seriously fun in the right circumstance.

# Do you watch/read pornography?
Frequently. Less now that my laptop is dead, though. Hmm. Should fix that. Need porn in bed.

# Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
Aggressive. Or at the very least, assertive. If you just lie there, I don’t know what to do with you.

# Do you love someone on your friends list?
Well, Nick’s on my facebook friends list, so … yes?

# Do you know all the people on your friends list?
Pretty much. I’m not one for adding strangers. Of course, “know” is probably a loaded word, as I’ve never met many of them in person… but have known most of those ones for well over ten years.

# Would you choose love or money?
Uh… this is a dumb question. Have you SEEN my income? Obviously I chose love.

Although… can I choose “both”? Could use a clean credit card slate and a bucket of money.

# Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
I think I’m going to play the “not revealing too many personal details about my relationship” card. I don’t think Nick would appreciate me sharing quite that level of detail about our sex life. Also, my mother reads this site, and I think knowing that I engage in a fair amount of dirty, dirty sexual practices on a regular basis is QUITE ENOUGH DETAIL FOR HER. (Hi Mom!)

# Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
Yeah. People are jerks. I don’t really put up with that any more.

# Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Romantic? I dunno, I don’t tend to go for romantic sex.

# Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
Server room floor of a no-longer-existent Vancouver ISP. It was cold and I got rugburns on my back.

# Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yes. I hate that. It’s why I’m generally not a fan of sex-in-public unless said public place has been designated as sex-friendly.

# Have you ever been to a strip club?.
Oh, 1 or 2… hundred times.

# Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
No. One night stands don’t do it for me. Neither do most bar-folk.

# Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club for sexual reasons?
See above.

# Ever been picked up in a bar?
I picked someone up at Sin City once. Does that count?

# Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Oh, 1 or 2… hundred times.

# What’s your sexuality?
Present.

# Had sex in a movie theater?
Hmm. Gave someone a blowjob in a theatre when I was 16. Does that count? I felt very Alanis-like.

# Had sex in a bathroom?
Does my bathroom count?

# Have you ever had sex at work?
My current place of work? God no. Former places of work? See aforementioned “Server room of a Vancouver ISP” question.

# Have you ever been in an “adult” store?
Been in? Hell, I used to live in one…

# Bought something from an adult store?
See above.

# Do you own any sex toys?
“Any”? bahahah

# If yes, how many and what are they?
Uncountable. My feeldoe is my favorite, though. What? I have penis envy, and that’s a SURPRISE? Ooh, and of course, my hitachi magic wand. It’s MAGIC!

# Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Plenty.

# Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Er, yes. Although it wasn’t a case of “fantasizing about someone else” but a serious neuron-misfire… also, he didn’t hear me. Phew.

# Have you ever had phonesex?
Yup. Not my favorite thing, but can be fun.

# Have you ever had cybersex?
See above.

# Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
“intercourse”? Uh, no. Sex? Yes.

# What’s your favorite sexual position?
Depends on the partner, actually. I’d normally say doggy style, but there have been a number of people for whom that position ended up being bloody uncomfortable.

# What’s your favorite sex act?
Well, let’s just say I have an oral fixation… and a lucky boyfriend.

# Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Wait… you can do it with only one person at a time? Kidding. I have, although it’s not my preference, as I tend to find it a bit awkward and difficult to coordinate without someone getting left out — I get bored easily. Also, I’m a total voyeur — I’d rather watch.

# Who do you think has the guts to repost this?
Well, half the people I know already have, so…

What. The. Fuck. ?!! indeed!

(Also, kid? Don’t use hair gel for that. Use lube. Less sticky.)

Justice & I (and Nick, I’m sure) wish everybody a very merry Christmas. Especially me.

Am wearing pajamas with feet, just spent some time cuddled up on a blanket in front of the fire, and now am heading to bed so that Santa can come by. Tempted to leave out eggnog & cookies, but think Santa might be bored by such things. I’ll leave out some After Eights instead.

So far? Best Christmas Ever. And it’s only going to get better.

So I recently managed to get my hands on some of the infamous “World of Whorecraft” (now known as Whorelore). For the unaware, yes it’s exactly what it sounds like: Warcraft Porn.

I watched episode 2. The premise: Ogre attacks some guy. Girl (obviously a night elf, by her makeup and, well, fake ears) steps in, blasts the heck out of him with some truly spectacularly bad special effects, but in the process he rips her gown to shreds, revealing her chainmail bikini underneath. Of course. Why, I’m sure all of my characters wear chainmail bikinis, too. She runs into another girl who mentions she better get her gear repaired before the raid tonight.

So off she goes, to find someone who can do armor repair, and why look! It’s her old friend Smitty, who talks in the WORLDS WORST PIRATE ACCENT EVER. He tells her how much it’ll cost to repair her gown, she says she doesn’t have the gold… but would prefer to pay “her way”. “Aaargh, I better be getting my booty!” says Smitty. She replies, “Oh, you’ll get your booty.” And the cocksucking begins.

It’s surprisingly well done, for porn. Ok, so they can’t act. At all. The one liners are hilarious not only for the sheer awfulness of the lines, but for the absolute lack of talent in delivering said one liners. I did find an interview with Mia Rose, the elf in question, where she says flat out that she’s not an actress. She can’t act at all. Well, it’s true. Still, she’s cute, wears fake ears, and is, um, talented in other areas as well. Like… raiding. Yeah, raiding. With her mouth. (I think this is a euphemism…)

And I can’t help but be amused by her as well — she has a lvl 70 undead warlock. Or at least she did, until Blizzard banned her since the account wasn’t in her name (apparently, the director of Whorecraft had started the account, played 3 levels, then gave it to her — a big no-no according to Blizzard’s TOS.)

It’s pretty hysterical. I’m looking forward to watching the next few episodes.

Also: Best pornstar name ever: Justin Syder. I admit it, I laughed.

When I was in Zimbabwe, I discovered the wonders that is gin & tonics. I’d had them before, but never really appreciated them. It took being in a place where they were often out of vodka, out of rum, and the beer was good, but not really strong enough to get me trashed on the occasions I wanted to get trashed… so, since evidently gin is not popular among Africans, 20 yr old british girls, and other sundry tourists in a country that doesn’t see a lot of tourism, but has a shortage of booze… well, there was lots of gin.

So, in Africa, gin & tonics became my drink. Good news: I like gin & tonics. They’re interesting. They give me a much different drunk than other drinks. In a good way.

Tonight, I had planned on two drinks. Those, plus a drink for Nick, and a reasonable tip for the tip jar would leave me enough for cab fare home with the cash leftover. Perfect.

1 gin and tonic: Not much effect, but a wee buzz.
2 gin and tonics: Nicely buzzed, a little extra friendly, exactly where I want to be. Not drunk, just … a bit tipsy.

However, my second gin & tonic ended up being a triple. I watched the bartender pour it. One shot. Ok. Two shots. Ok… um… three shots? Oh dear. By the time he’d finished adding all the gin & ice, there wasn’t much room for tonic. It was a STRONG freaking drink. I am a tiny, tiny girl, with the alcohol tolerance of a particularly lightweight ant.

I am drunk off my tree. Yegads.

On the upside, I had several people, including two strangers, tell me I look hot. Yay me!

Oddly, I was having a conversation with a coworker about this recently: Do computer generated images of minors count as child porn? My take: No, not at all.

The reason child porn is so offensive, to me, is the pain & suffering caused to the victim. That’s just plain wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. However, I don’t believe that ANY fantasy is wrong. Ever. It’s a fantasy — it’s not real. Granted, if you’re feeling a strong urge to act on a fantasy that will cause actual harm to someone, you probably need to talk to a therapist of some sort. But if you’re a reasonably normal, healthy adult and are perfectly capable of differentiating between reality and fantasy… fill your boots.

But this guy wasn’t arrested for committing a crime. He was arrested for maybe thinking about something that offends a lot of people, that might lead to an actual crime down the road. Despite there being no quantifiable evidence that thinking about it will lead to the act. And quite frankly, as someone with a pretty raunchy porn collection myself (all legal, staged, & consenting to the best of my ability) I can honestly say that it’s the fantasy that is arousing. For example, I have a lot of staged force porn. And yet, there isn’t anything even remotely attractive about the idea of real force. Fantasy & reality are two TOTALLY different subjects, and the idea that someone could be arrested for thinking “bad things”, with absolutely no intention of making the fantasy a reality is …pretty scary.

Here’s an interesting summary as well.

Luckily, I don’t think I have to worry about this too much in Canada. In R v. Sharpe, a man (Robin Sharpe) with both literature and photos was charged with possession of child pornography. The pictures (real, offensive, and illegal) stood, and he spent 16 months in prison for them, the written works didn’t.

I’m pretty pleased with this. Sharpe argued that because he’s attracted to young boys, he has the right to possess child pornography. I’d disagree, because the rights of the young boys in question trump the rights of the adult. But for the written works? There’s no crime there. It’s words on paper. Nobody was hurt by it. Leave the kids alone, but fantasize away. (And, again, maybe see a therapist if you think this might transcend fantasy into reality…)

What? They’re sensible! I … needed shoes!

So this is what it’s like to be 5’9″. Huh.