I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.

Inspired by Cici, I decided it was time to do another amusing looksee at my search referrals. I was not disappointed.

  • sweater puppies: wow, you are totally in the wrong place. My sweater puppies are more like sweater… hamsters. Baby hamsters. Stupid hamsters.
  • worst wedding songs ever: I’m still interested in this. Today, I think I’ll add “Love Stinks” by the J. Geils Band. (Whatdya think, honey? Can we play that?)
  • scornfully: that is an awesome word.
  • peeing: Is the corollary to everybody poops, “everybody pees”?
  • cybacious: I had to think a while to figure out what this was. At first, it sounded like an awesome exclamation. “Bodacious! Cybacious!” But then I realized it’s a type of cyst.
  • making soap without lye: Can’t be done. If it’s soap, it has lye in it. If there’s no lye, it’s a detergent. So there.
  • before i met you my heart was a crap taco: It’s true. A CRAP TACO.
  • bath bomb supplies vancouver: Hooray, I’m helping! (Wicks & Wax in Burnaby is my preferred supplier.)
  • buy lye in vancouver: Yay, I’m helping there, too! (Home Hardware on Commercial Drive.)
  • elephant car insurance: …yeah, I don’t think I can help you with that. Oddly, these are the terms that had more than one person search for them…
  • tiny tit in bras: Oh fuck off. I get it. Sweater hamsters.
  • can i extend my contract with bell? No, because they’re EVIL. Of course, every other cell provider is evil, too. You’re doomed.
  • all natural lion bait: Ok, I know how this got to my website (I took some aromatherapy-based bug repellent to Africa that had catnip in it, and yes, lions are attracted to catnip. no, I didn’t wear it when we were with the lions) but… but… WHAT? Who searches for this? Also: Try catnip, apparently.

You guys are nuts. I’m just saying.

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6 Responses to “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.”

  1. Cheeky Cici says:

    Those are some great terms. I love search engine terms. We sure do search for some weird ass stuff. Some of the better ones I’ve had lately include: why do I shake at the sacrament of confession and…the best of the best – her eyelid fluttering butters my parsnip.

  2. Donna says:

    Aw Cici, you butter my parsnip! :D

  3. Cheeky Cici says:

    I don’t even know what it means! So I’m left to my imagination and the result is fairly foul. ;)

  4. Jeff says:

    On the first pass I read “au natural lion bait”, which I think I like even better!

  5. R1 says:

    peeing: Is the corollary to everybody poops, “everybody pees”?

    “…sometimes…” I don’t know but now I can’t get Michael Stipe singing both of them out of my head and it’s making me laugh and want to bang my head on my desk at the same time.

  6. 3ICE says:

    I came here to check whether “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” is correct English. (You are the first result for that expression by the way, congratulations!)

    I then proceeded to be amazed by the entire blog post you wrote below that title.

    And I walked away satisfied, because if an awesome wordsmith like you uses “I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more help.” as a title, then it is definitely correct.

    Thank you.

    p.s.: I’ll be spending the next few hours browsing my search engine referrals for interesting items.

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