I’ve ranted about this before, but I am a huge opponent of the “Nice Guy” syndrome. You know the type — whiny, passive aggressive assholes who don’t understand why women ignore them in favor of bad boy jerks who treat them badly.
I’m kind of bad with being eloquent on topics that enrage me, so it makes me happy when I find reasonably written diatribes that say what I’m trying to say, if only I could stop spitting. Via V on Facebook this morning, I found “Nice guys finish last, but not for the reason they think”.
This actually applies to women as well. I’ve known some emotionally manipulative women who claim to be sugar & spice and everything nice while simultaneously destroying the object of their affections soul. Elevating yourself to near-Godhood, then complaining about how nobody understands you doesn’t mean that you’re just too awesome for us little people: It means you’re a narcissistic twat.
The article also links to a tearing-down of a comic strip about Nice Guys that all supposed “nice guys” should also read. Note to anyone: If you have a philosophical discussion with yourself about whether or not it’s okay to rape an unconscious woman, you are probably not a nice guy. Or girl. Unless you have a previous arrangement with said person in which you have said, explicitly, Honey? Next time I’m so drunk I pass out, please have your way with me.
By the way, honey? Er… nevermind, I’ll save that for later.
On the upside, I am not dating a nice guy. I’m dating a self-confessed misanthropic dick who simultaneously amuses and frustrates the bejesus out of me with his misanthropic, dickish ways. I wouldn’t trade him for a MILLION nice guys.
Wow, a rant set in motion from a rant. It’s like a torrent. It’s always more entertaining reading articles like this on blogs than in books written by Doctors and such. Although the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy: Breaking Free From The Nice Guy Syndrome” sounds delightful by its reviews.
Because it’s a rant it would be too hot a topic to comment on seriously than to agree and walk away slowly – only turning to run when at a safe distance.
I will point out though, (because I have the feeling I will be the only man commenting and am Narcissistic enough to actually believe I can – *how’s that for NG?*) Women do the exact same thing in a completely opposite direction and for completely opposite goals… but I just finished the book Hard Optimism and will just let it go.
Thanks for posting the blog entry on twitter. It’s a nice reminder when I see the tweet.
Yeah, women definitely do it, too — I mentioned that in my post. :)
Yea I saw that but I’m not familiar with the sugar and spice type. I see the ‘naughty girl’ portraying the male version of porn tho. exact opposite.
Ah, true enough.
I think what it comes down to is that people are pure evil and should be avoided at all costs. In other words, I think I’m a misanthropic dick. :D
Do you ever remember me whining about my cursed status as a “nice guy”? I recall feeling something along those lines, but I never got as bitter and jaded as I’ve heard others can get.
I hadn’t really thought of “nice” guys in this way before; my views about them were more of the image of them just being passive and oversensitive and, in essence, “feminine” and that’s why women don’t date them (because, if you’re hetero, you want to date a man, not another woman). I hadn’t thought about the narcissistic aspect of that, but it certainly rings true for some of them.
Narcissists see themselves as the centre of the universe, with the rest of us as “players”, not as real people equal to them. Because they are so awesome, the only explanation as to why they’re not getting tail every day of the week is obviously because we’re all stereotypical woman-actors who don’t date nice guys, and they’re obviously in the nice guy category.
Interesting, interesting. Stuff to ponder.
We see this all the time in the cuckold community. The male, who is supposed to be all week, loving and nice, is actually the one controlling the relationship, the dates and style of sexual contact the female is having. The relationship has more to do with themselves than anyone else.
The worse case of this is the cuckold wanna-bees who are single and whine about not finding a woman who wants to be with him. They are a hybrid Nice Guy who has come to realize they can’t get a woman so figure they will move to the next best thing and be with her vicariously through her sexual adventures. This work physiologically (and arguably) via a complex set of instinctive motivators (re: The book “Sperm Wars”)
They believe they themselves are the perfect thing since sliced bread using their male oriented porn fantasy of the lifestyle as something a woman wants – even needs.
A relationship is found, something to be discovered and in an ever changing landscape of the physical, emotional and spiritual. It’s not a fantasy which seems to be the world Nice Guys live in.