life, the universe, and donna

Ok, “Journalists” is maybe giving them a little too much credit, but hey, everyones got to start somewhere…

I’m referring to tabloid journalists who write about celebrities, and that includes the stupid little “Entertainment” sections of the daily papers. But still, this might save them some time, and hopefully speed up their promotion to being real journalists who write about things people care about.

Instead of “Amy Winehouse back in rehab…” or “Amy Winehouse taken to hospital by ambulance…” or “Amy Winehouse now RELEASED from hospital…” simplify to this: “Amy Winehouse: Still Trainwreck.”

You could do the same for Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, too. And for other stars who have the Same Articles Written Over and Over (including my beloved Angelina), try something like: Angelina Jolie: Had/is having/adopted/found/smiled at/was in the same room with (plz circle one) more children.”

That’s it. That’s all you need. Think of how much time they could save by writing simple little articles that say the same thing as the three paragraphs of nonsense we get subjected to, which could be used to write real articles that dazzle their employers and realize hey! We’ve been wasting you on schlock! Quick, write me something insightful about Tasers or Haiti! Or about Tasers IN Haiti!

You can thank me later.