The Scene: Lying on the couch, and I’ve actually encouraged one of the cats to come sit with me. Hey, he’s warm. After a few minutes of quiet kitty cuddling…
Second Cat: *slap*
First Cat: *runs away*
Me: Hey! Jerk.
Second Cat: You should not be paying attention to him. I am in the room.
…time passes…
Me: Psst. Here, kitty kitty. Come sit with me.
First Cat is beckoned over.
Second Cat: *slap*
First Cat: *runs away*
Me: Hey! Cut that out.
Second Cat: We’ve discussed this. You are not to pay attention to other cats. I am here.
Me: You don’t even WANT to sit with me right now! You hit him, then you run away and sit on the other side of the room!
Second Cat: Irrelevant. I am here.
…time passes…
Me: Psst. C’mon, pretty kitty. I’ll skritch your ears!
First Cat is beckoned over.
Second Cat: *slap*
First Cat: *runs away*
Me: Asshole.
Second Cat: You brought this on yourself.
Me: *grumble*
…time passes…
Me: Psst. Over here. C’mere, kitty.
First Cat: You’ve got to be kidding me.
It’s even funnier when you realize the bitch-slapping kitty weighs 10 pounds less than the cuddly kitty. Poor Zev.